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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Caught Listening to Charlie Brown Christmas Album

December 9, 2022 Andrew

BLUMENHOF, MB A stash of secular records were discovered under Garth Wiebe’s mattress this week, after a tip by prying neighbours led to a raid of the premises by church elders. “As you know, we […]

Unger Suspicion

Yosemite Sam Gives Up His Guns, Plans to Attend Anabaptist Seminary this Fall

June 13, 2020 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Longtime gun-totter Yosemite Sam just announced he’s laying down his arms and plans to enroll in the seminary at nearby Fresno Pacific University this fall. “It was a Road to Damascus moment for […]

The Daily Bonnet

Penner Kids Have Been Watching Nothing But ‘Frozen 2’ All Day Every Day for the Past Two Weeks

March 30, 2020 Andrew

HILLSBORO, KS Seemingly unable to watch anything else at all these days, the Penner kids of Hillsboro have had Frozen 2 up on the flatscreen Samsung for the past two weeks straight. “Ugh, they’re not […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Mom Sentenced to Three Years Watching ‘Peppa Pig’

February 26, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB As punishment for who the heck knows what, a Manitoba judge has sentenced local mom Samantha Hiebert to three years watching the world’s most annoying show Peppa Pig with her daughter Amy. “I’m […]

Unger Suspicion

Donald Dueck Marries Daisy, Cousin Mickey Not Invited

October 2, 2017 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB After a long courtship that included numerous lovely swims through the local gravel pit, Donald Dueck, 25, of Kleefeld, and his fiance Daisy, 22, finally tied the knot in a small ceremony at an […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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