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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Pastors Make Statement With ‘Pay Us What You Owe Us’ T-Shirts

July 25, 2025 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Fed up with meagre salaries that barely pay the rent, Mennonite pastors across the nation have been sporting snazzy new T-shirts as a form of protest. “It’s bad enough he’s wearing such casual […]

Unger Games

Mennonites Concerned About Catching ‘Indiana Fever’

April 16, 2024 Andrew

INDIANAPOLIS, IN Mennonites across Indiana this week are concerned about the spread of something called the Indiana Fever. “That’s all I see on the news,” said Mrs. Bauman. “Indiana Fever this and Indiana Fever that. […]

Unger Games

LeBron James Quits Basketball to Take on New Challenge: Crokinole

February 8, 2023 Andrew

LOS ANGELES, CA Moments after setting the NBA All-Time scoring record and solidifying his place as the GOAT of basketball, LeBron James decided to retire from the sport to take on the greatest challenge of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Which Mennonite Colleges and Universities Made the ‘Final Four’?

April 7, 2022 Andrew

BLUFFTON, OH Every spring, Mennonite post-secondary institutions gather in Bluffton, Ohio to drink decaf and argue about seemingly trivial differences in theology. The event begins with dozens of school, but eventually the best debaters make […]

The Daily Bonnet

Newton’s “World’s Tallest Mennonite” Drafted by Golden State Warriors

March 4, 2021 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Hailing from Newton, Kansas, the 17-foot limestone Mennonite Settler statue known across the globe as the “World’s Tallest Mennonite” has finally reached his true calling: playing center for the Golden State Warriors. “After […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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