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Unger Suspicion

“Man does not live by bread alone”: Loblaws CEO Galen Weston Quotes Jesus to Defend Price-Fixing Scheme

July 25, 2024 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After a court ruling found the company guilty of bread price-fixing, Loblaws CEO Galen Weston cited the words of Jesus in defence of the company’s actions. “Man does not live by bread alone,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

The Most Famous People with Every Mennonite Surname

July 24, 2024 Andrew

Have you ever wondered who is the most famous person with your surname? No? Well, you’re just being humble, I suppose. And that’s okay. But for those Mennonites who have less-than-traditional views on this matter, […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Takes Extra Shot of Ozempic Before Lunch at Oma’s

July 23, 2024 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Area man Cameron Hiebert has been trying to inject his way into good health for quite some time, but that hasn’t stopped him from devouring a nice plate of vereniki and formavorscht when […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Couple Divorce After Conflict Over Air Conditioner Temperature

July 22, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Eight years of wedded bliss is all over for the Epps of North Kildonan this week, after an apparent marriage-ending fight over the AC temperature. “She wanted it at 23, while I prefer […]

Unger the Influence

Rolling Stones Announce New More Youthful Lead Singer Joe Biden

July 21, 2024 Andrew

LONDON, UK It didn’t take long for President Joe Biden to find a new job–lead singer of legendary rock band The Rolling Stones. “You can’t always get what you want and Mick was getting long […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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