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Unger & Thirst

Local Man Peter Penner Picks a Peck of Pickled Peppers

July 6, 2016 Andrew

PANSY, MB Pastor Peter Penner of Pansy has been pruning his peppers and is now prepared to pick a peck of them. “It’s not often you pick a peck of peppers and they’re pre-pickled,” said Penner. […]

Unger & Thirst

City of Winkler to Abandon the Metric System in Favour of Ice Cream Pail Method

July 4, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Beginning this fall, residents of Winkler will be forced to measure everything in the traditional Mennonite manner – the ice cream pail. In a 5-2 vote, Winkler city council decided to ban the […]

Unger & Thirst

Banquet-Goers Wowed By Yet Another Chicken Kiev Meal

July 3, 2016 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Long a staple of corporate banquets, graduation dinners, and wedding receptions, attendees at a Winnipeg retirement banquet on Monday were wowed by the impressive chicken Kiev dish they received. “When I looked down […]

Unger Suspicion

Legendary Hip-Hop Group Run EMC to Reunite for Annual Church Convention

July 2, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Delegates at the Evangelical Mennonite Conference convention this week will be in for a real treat, as legendary hip-hop act Run EMC is set to perform after Sunday faspa. “We’re really looking forward […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadians Gather to Celebrate 149 Years of Not Being America

July 1, 2016 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Patriotic Canadians across the country will gather today to celebrate a really long time of not being the United States of America. “Canadians are a completely distinct culture. We have, like, slightly different […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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