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The Daily Bonnet

Chris Goertzen and Kelvin Goertzen Still Insist They’re Not Brothers

May 26, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Despite the fact that Steinbach, Manitoba is home to the largest concentration of Goertzens in the world, Chris Goertzen, mayor of Steinbach, and Kelvin Goertzen, local MLA, are having a hard time convincing area […]

Unger & Thirst

Altona Has Record Dandelion Wine Harvest This Year

May 25, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Wine lovers in southern Manitoba are optimistic about this year’s dandelion crop. Neil Plett, longtime sommelier at Oma’s Basement Bun Shop in Altona, believes Harvest 2016 will be one of the best in decades. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Couple With Joint Facebook Account to Finally Get Married

May 25, 2016 Andrew

STE. ANNE, MB Wedding bells are on the horizon for a local couple who have been Facebooking in sin for more than three years. Brenton Friesen and Laurie-Anne Cote of the Ste. Anne area have been […]

Unger Suspicion

Chewbacca Gets a Kick Out of New “Mom” Mask

May 25, 2016 Andrew

KASHYYYK, SOUTHWESTERN QUADRANT Wookie pilot and social media addict, Chewbacca, just loves his new “Mom” mask. “I picked it up at Wal-Mart,” says Chewbacca through a translator. “It’s awesome. It talks and everything.” A video […]

Unger Suspicion

Area Man Elected President of Ecuador

May 24, 2016 Andrew

QUITO, ECUADOR Local Good Samaritan Mark Reimer will be sworn in as President of Ecuador in a ceremony to take place this July in the small fishing village of Puerto Lopez. “I’m working on my Spanish,” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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