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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Finally Allowed to Stay Up Late Enough to Watch M*A*S*H*

September 27, 2025 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Area man Sam Ens, 43, has just been informed by his parents that he has finally reached the age where he can stay up late and watch M*A*S*H* with them. “It’s our birthday […]

Unger Conviction

Escalator Strands Pastor, Sermon Delayed

September 26, 2025 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA After the escalator abruptly stopped just as Pastor Dave was approaching, the entire responsive reading and the first 40 minutes of the sermon had to be postponed. “I didn’t know what to do,” […]

Unger & Thirst

White House Warns Against Knackzoat During Pregnancy

September 25, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC President Trump issued a warning to pregnant woman this week – avoid knackzoat. “It can only be bad. Not good,” said Trump. “Very bad. Let me see. How do you pronounce this? It’s […]

Unger Games

Toews Resumes Career with Winnipeg Jets

September 24, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB We may not have heard from him for quite a while, but Toews laced up his skates again last night, this time for his hometown Winnipeg Jets. “Yeah, well, I figured I could […]

Unger Games

CFL Unveils New Logo

September 23, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After a series of highly popular rule changes this week, the Canadian Football League has unveiled a brand new logo modelled after Cracker Barrel. “We know how well that worked for them,” said […]

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