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The Daily Bonnet

Plastic Straw Ban Leaves Pacifist Mennonites Completely Defenceless

June 21, 2018 Andrew

BERNE, IN In recent weeks, cities across the country have banned plastic straws because of their environmental impact. While many are supportive of the idea, there has been some resistance, particularly from the nation’s 500,000 […]

Unger Suspicion

Government Needs Your Help in Tracking Down Family of Asylum Seekers Who Crossed the Border Late Last Night

June 20, 2018 Andrew

NATIONAL BORDER REGION The federal government is seeking the public’s help in tracking down a family of undocumented migrants who are believed to have crossed the border into the country in the middle of the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Caught Smuggling Dirty Rubber Boots Across the Border

June 19, 2018 Andrew

WINDSOR, ON A Canadian Mennonite family has been detained at the Windsor-Detroit border this afternoon after the Canadian border officer spotted Mr. Friesen’s dirty rubber boots and suspected their might be a problem. “How long […]

The Daily Bonnet

A List of Incredible Mennonite Superpowers

June 19, 2018 Andrew

While any just ordinary Mennonite can drain a swamp, milk a cow, or shoe a horse, only a rare few have these amazing superpowers. How many do you possess? Teleportation: The ability of Mennonite moms […]

Unger & Thirst

24 Hours Later, Dad is Still Going Back for “Just One More Plate”

June 18, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Sunday, June 17 was the 2018 Manitoba Marathon, an event where Mennonite dads compete to see who can make the most return visits to refill their plates with vereniki and schmaunt fat at […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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