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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Drills Ice-Fishing Hole in Kitchen Floor

February 8, 2019 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB Mrs. Hiebert was “completely unimpressed” with the hole her husband had drilled in the kitchen floor when she came home from Bible Study on Wednesday night. “He says he’s ice-fishing,” said Mrs. Hiebert. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Breaking News! Abbotsford Woman’s Daisies Are Already Blooming

February 7, 2019 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Local woman Mrs. Kehler has been rubbing it in to all her Manitoba friends this week after her daisies sprung up a few days ago. “Check it out, suckers! You’ve still got ten […]

The Daily Bonnet

Brilliant Man Disproves Global Warming By Pointing Out the Weather

February 6, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB All this winter, local man Dick Froese has been pointing to the severe frostbite on his ears as “definitive proof” that global warming is a “total crock.” “Look, I’m freezing my arse off […]

The Daily Bonnet

Friesen Cousins Were On the Kiss Cam Last Night

February 5, 2019 Andrew

CALGARY, AB The Friesen cousins from Taber decided to attend a Flames game this week, but they didn’t expect to be thrust into the spotlight the way they were. “We were just sitting there enjoying […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Choir to Perform at Next Year’s Super Bowl

February 4, 2019 Andrew

MIAMI, FL After a dreadful half-time performance by crap-band Maroon 5 at Super Bowl LIII, the National Football League has announced that “from now on, the only entertainment you’re gonna get is a few old […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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