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Unger & Thirst

Toronto Woman Caught Smuggling Three Suitcases Full of Farmer Sausage

September 17, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Mrs. Wiebe, 47, of Toronto was caught at the Pearson Airport this week with three suitcases packed full of delicious Mennonite farmer sausage that she obtained on a recent trip to southern Manitoba. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Morden and Winkler Tired of Having to Share a Hospital

September 16, 2019 Andrew

HALFWAY BETWEEN MORDEN AND WINKLER, MB Mr. Penner of Winkler was mighty upset this week after he found out he had to share a hospital room with that Mr. Sawatzky from Morden. “Ugh, a Mordener […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Discards Hymnals Because No One Can Read Music Anymore

September 15, 2019 Andrew

NEWTON, KS The Second Mennonite Church of Newton, Kansas has decided to ditch their hymnals after it was discovered that not a single person in the congregation could read sheet music anymore. “Oh, sure, Mrs. […]

The Daily Bonnet

10 Completely True No Bullshit Facts and Figures for Your ‘Mennonite Heritage Week’ Article

September 14, 2019 Andrew

Mennonite Heritage Week is upon us. In fact, it’s almost over. But no doubt there will be a few Englisher media publications that will try to write an article or two about us Mennos. And […]

Unger & Thirst

Thousands of Mennonites Barely Clinging to Life During Rogers Golden Syrup Shortage

September 13, 2019 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Thousands of Mennonites have been placed in Intensive Care units this summer after a shortage of Rogers Golden Syrup has left them without the necessary sustenance for life. “My Henry’s a fighter, but […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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