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The Daily Bonnet

Ten Dollar Donation in 1987 Leads to Lifetime of Junk Mail from Local Charity

December 14, 2020 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS A trivial donation in the late 80s has led to a lifetime of junk mail for a Goessel, Kansas couple. “Ugh, Henry, here it is again,” said Mrs. Friesen, sorting through her junk […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mannanite Man Still Searching for the ‘Alf on the Shalf’

December 12, 2020 Andrew

TABER, AB “Mannanites” love their Christmas traditions from tutes to plumemoos and everything in between. In recent years, however, the holiday traditions have modernized a little. “I really look farward to waking ups avery marning […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Reeve to be Vaccinated Against Wacko Conspiracy Theories

December 11, 2020 Andrew

SCHRATJLIJCH, MB An area reeve will be first in line to receive the new vaccine that protects individuals from wacko conspiracy theories and believing whatever they read on the Internet. “The vaccine takes two doses […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Confesses to Voting Democrat

December 10, 2020 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Local man and former church deacon Mr. Yoder was forced to go up in front of his congregation this week and apologize after it was discovered he had voted Democrat in two of […]

Unger Conviction

Local Church Becomes 7-Eleven Franchise So it Can Reopen as an Essential Service

December 9, 2020 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK The EGCMB Church of Saskatoon has installed five Slurpee machines and a place to rotate the wieners so that they can reopen as an essential business this Sunday. “Come for the gospel, stay […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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