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The Daily Bonnet

Typo Leads to Confusion at Local Store

November 19, 2020 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Customers entering Dueck Sausage Emporium in Swift Current this week were greeted with a friendly message to “satanize” their hands before entry. “Diewel, I knew things were bad, but this is getting […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Residents to Get Bolt Cutters in their Stockings this Christmas

November 18, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After the heroic display by Steinbach’s now infamous counter-protestor, bolt cutters have been flying off the shelves at local stores offering curbside pickup. “I was thinking of getting my Nettie a pair of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Really Excited About New Pfizer Product

November 16, 2020 Andrew

TABER, AB Word of a new 90% effective Pfizer product has caused quite the stir in Mennonite communities across North America today. “Wow, this’ll really do wonders on our meddachschlop life,” said Mrs. Kliewer. “Lord knows, […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Fearless” Invading Army Chased Out of Steinbach By a Gardening Implement

November 15, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB It was a battle for the ages … or as close as it gets in a town full of pacifists, anyway. A “brave and mighty” army of “fearless” warriors from Winnipeg (and a […]

The Daily Bonnet

A Complete List of Steinbachers at the Anti-Mask Rally Today

November 14, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A well-publicized anti-mask rally took place in Steinbach today. The rally featured speakers from across Manitoba, including two pastors, one chiropractor, a reeve, and a partridge in a pear tree. The rally was […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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