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The Daily Bonnet

7 Naughty Mennonite Emojis (and What They Really Mean)

February 6, 2021 Andrew

These days you have to be careful when you’re using emojis. You don’t want to unintentionally seduce the pastor’s son. In order to aid clear and concise communication, the Daily Bonnet has created this handy […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Officials Worried About Potential Koop D’Etat

February 5, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After recent takeover attempts in Mynamar and Washington, government officials in Winkler are concerned about a potential Koop d’etat in their neck of the woods, too. “Those Koops. Always unsatisfied with the democractic […]

Unger Games

Calgary Defeats Winnipeg 5 Bogus Slashing Calls to 3

February 4, 2021 Andrew

CALGARY, AB In an effort to get more pacifists watching the game, the NHL has imposed a new minimum of five bogus slashing calls per game. “The team with the fewest bogus slashing calls wins,” […]

Unger & Thirst

Single Piece of Juicy Fruit Lasts a Record Three Minutes

February 3, 2021 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Mrs. Froese of Chilliwack has set a new world record by managing to squeeze a full three minutes of flavour from one piece of Juicy Fruit gum. “It’s got that sweet fruity blast […]

Unger Suspicion

The GameStop Frenzy Explained for Mennonites (Using an Easy to Understand Zoat Analogy)

February 1, 2021 Andrew

Everybody’s been talking about GameStop this and GameStop that. Shorting stocks and hedge funds. And Reddit? Oba! But what does it all mean yet? Well thankfully we’ve got Kjnels Reima, Kleine Gemeinde church treasurer, to […]

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