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Unger Suspicion

Joe Biden Continues Longstanding American Tradition of Bombing the Hell Out of Foreign Countries

February 26, 2021 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC It didn’t take long for President Joe Biden to bring back a longstanding American tradition by ordering his very first airstrike. “It’s an American tradition that I have to maintain,” said Joe Biden. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church to Pipe in Fake Crowd Noise

February 25, 2021 Andrew

OMAHA, NE Starting this Sunday, the Northside Mennonite Church of Omaha is going to be piping authentic church crowd noise through the sound system to give the few people who show up the full church-going […]

The Daily Bonnet

St. Catharines, Ontario to be Renamed Taunte Katherine’s

February 24, 2021 Andrew

TAUNTE KATHERINE’S, ON After having reached the required minimum threshold of resident Mennonite aunties, the city of St. Catharines has voted to officially change its name to Taunte Katherine’s effective the first of the month. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Holds Lottery to See Who Can Attend Church this Week

February 23, 2021 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK The Mennonites of Swift Current were on the edge of their seats this week as the names were drawn from the old BINGO cage to see which lucky members get to attend […]

The Daily Bonnet

Why is the Mennonite Town of Goessel, Kansas Shaped Like a Gun?

February 22, 2021 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS For some strange reason the pacifist Mennonite town of Goessel, Kansas has managed to fashion their town in the exact shape of a Colt M1911 pistol. “It’s a mystery to me,” said local […]

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