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Unger Suspicion

Etobicoke Eager to Become the New Steinbach

November 28, 2020 Andrew

ETOBICOKE, ON With barbecue joints defying health orders and hundreds of partiers caught not social distancing in a storage locker, the community of Etobicoke, Ontario is eagerly seeking to dethrone Steinbach, Manitoba as the “Covid […]

Unger Conviction

Deceased Members of “One True Church” Find Heaven Super Lonely

November 27, 2020 Andrew

HEAVEN Deceased members of a local congregation claiming to have “figured it all out once and for all back in 1973” have found Heaven super boring and lonely. “I’ve been up here since the summer […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Trajchtmoakas Demand the Right to be Called “Doctors”

November 25, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB The local Knipsers and Knibblers Union 606 of La Crete is petitioning the Province of Alberta to have Mennonite folk chiropractors (known colloquially as “trajchtmoakas“) classified as “doctors.” “Oba, those medical doctors […]

Unger Suspicion

Libertarian Accidentally Walks Down Public Sidewalk

November 24, 2020 Andrew

TOFIELD, AB Committed libertarian Rand Martens, 31, was walking home from his Dungeons and Dragons game this week when he found himself walking smack dab in the middle of a public sidewalk. “Oh, look at […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Book Club Shares One Copy Between the Whole Group

November 23, 2020 Andrew

YARROW, BC A book club in Yarrow, British Columbia has been meeting via Zoom every month or so during the pandemic to discuss the book that one of them bought and then shared with everyone […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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