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Unger & Thirst

Faint Line Indicates Presence of Knackzoat in the Blood

April 24, 2022 Andrew

WALDHEIM, SK Mr. Derek Wiebe of Waldheim, Saskatchewan is just one in a long line of local residents who’ve tested positive for knackzoat in recent weeks. “I waited the full 15 minutes and it was […]

Unger Suspicion

Tucker Carlson to Mennonite Men: “Make Sure to Smoke Your Sausage”

April 23, 2022 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Fox News pundit Tucker Carlson is urging low-testosterone Mennonite men to “stick your sausage in a smoker pronto.” “This is no laughing matter,” said Carlson, who claims 1 in 3 men now […]

Unger & Thirst

Rhubarb Sauce Discovered on Mennonite Man’s Perogies

April 22, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area man Art Wiens, 59, was shocked to discover a dollop of what appeared to be rhubarb sauce on his vereniki this week. “Diewel, Dietschlaund, Schinda! I’m not sure where this rhubarb sauce […]

Unger Conviction

GCer Wins Safe Passage Through Treacherous Fraser Valley Full of MBers

April 21, 2022 Andrew

GREENDALE, BC Art from Rosthern, self-proclaimed king of the GCers, was travelling through the Fraser Valley this week en route to Vancouver, where he heard he just might find the Holy Grail or at least […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Has Three Sisters Named Helen and Four Brothers Named Jake

April 20, 2022 Andrew

WYMARK, SK Local woman, Mrs. Letkeman was paging through her photo album this afternoon when it dawned on her that she had three sisters named Helen and four brothers named Jake. “Not to mention two […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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