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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Shocked as Oscar Announcer Pronounces ‘Toews’ Correctly

March 14, 2023 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA The most shocking moment in Sunday’s Oscar broadcast was not a slap or an errant envelope, but the fact that the Oscar folks pronounced ‘Toews’ correctly. “Oh, great, here it comes. He’s going […]

Unger & Thirst

Delicious Rhubarb Platz Found in Sarah Polley’s Oscar Gift Bag

March 13, 2023 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Although no one is quite sure how it got in there, cast and crew of the Oscar winning film Women Talking found a delicious tray of platz in each of their Oscar gift bags […]

The Daily Bonnet

Entire City of Steinbach Stymied by Globe and Mail Paywall

March 12, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Moments after learning the city had made national news yet again, thousands of Steinbachers clamoured to find out what was said about them. “Ugh. Paywall. Typical,” said Mrs. Plett, who was attempting to […]

Unger Games

Winnipeg Jets Players Offered Part Time Jobs at Portage Place

March 11, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Rumours are swirling about the potential sale of Portage Place to True North, which is really exciting for all the Jets players clamouring to get part time custodial jobs. “I realized hockey wasn’t […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Gets the Wrong Message from Her French Vanilla

March 10, 2023 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB Things did not go as planned after Bethany Neufeld, 25, of Rosenort decided to be a little adventurous in her coffee order in Steinbach this morning. “Oh my jauma!” shouted Neufeld as she […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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