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The Daily Bonnet

Swift Current Residents Furious at Taylor Swift for Leaving Their City Off Her 2025 Tour

June 22, 2023 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Residents of Swift Current, Saskatchewan, population 16,750, are fuming mad this week after it was revealed that pop superstar Taylor Swift had left their community off her worldwide tour. “What an insult […]

Unger the Influence

Maxime Bernier Spotted Sobbing Outside ‘Winners’ Store

June 21, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Maxime Bernie was spotted curled up in a ball and sobbing outside a Winners store in Winnipeg, Manitoba this week. “He told me to pull over as soon as he saw the sign.” […]

Unger & Thirst

Billionaires Rescued from Meatball Sub

June 21, 2023 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB The fate of highly successful flax farmer Darren Klassen and his billionaire farmer buddies hangs in the balance at a southern Manitoba sandwich shop this afternoon. “Will he risk it with the meatball […]

Unger & Thirst

It’s So Hot Today that Mennonite Man is Willing to Drink Bud Light

June 20, 2023 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB As temperatures soared well above 30 Celsius this afternoon, local farmer Darryl Wiens, 37, set aside his principles and cracked open a Bud Light of all things. “This goes against everything I stand […]

Unger Conviction

Southern Baptists Aim to Have More Dysfunctional Infighting than the Mennonites by 2024

June 19, 2023 Andrew

AUGUSTA, GA After their recent annual meeting in which they expelled a couple churches for petty reasons, the Southern Baptist Convention is well on its way to being more dysfunctional than the Mennonites by early […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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