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Unger & Thirst

Alberta Man Votes to Stay in Canada After Discovering Honey Dill Sauce

June 15, 2026 Andrew

TABER, AB Area man Gary Froese, 51, has undergone a radical change in heart about Alberta separatism after a trip to a family funeral in Manitoba this week. “We had the raisin buns and cheese […]

Unger Suspicion

Musk Tries Desperately to Squeeze Camel Through Eye of This Needle

June 14, 2026 Andrew

STARBASE, TX Hours after becoming the world’s first trillionaire, Elon Musk was spotted desperately trying to squeeze his pet camel Jacob through the eye of Mrs. Siemens’s sewing needle. “I’m putting all my top engineers […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man with Million-dollar Tractor Stakes a Stand Against “Pride”

June 13, 2026 Andrew

WINKLER, MB With Pembina Valley Pride hosting their first ever rally in Winkler this afternoon, some locals are upset, saying that even the name of the organization is a problem. “I mean, people can live […]

Unger Games

Conflict-Averse Mennonites Getting Really Into Soccer to Watch All the Ties

June 12, 2026 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Thousands of Mennonites across Canada were relieved this afternoon after Canada ended their match with Croatia in a tie. “That way no one goes home happy,” said Pete Dyck of Kitchener. “You know, […]

Unger Games

Every Self-Respecting Mennonite Cheering for Paraguay in World Cup Opener Friday

June 11, 2026 Andrew

LOS ANGELES, CA Every single Mennonite on the planet will be cheering on Paraguay as they face off against the Americans in the World Cup opener this Friday evening. “They’ll be cheering in Spanish. They’ll […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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