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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Government Rebrands Spring Break as ‘Winter Break Part 2’

March 25, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB In an effort to more accurately reflect the realities of the situation, the Manitoba government has decided to rebrand Spring Break 2022 as ‘Winter Break Part 2.’ Area students were super excited about […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Transit Now Offering Ark Service

March 23, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Starting this Sunday, the public transit service in Manitoba’s largest city will now include trips across town via ark. “This is something we’ve needed for years,” said mayor Brian Bowman. “Every spring I […]

Unger Suspicion

Justin Trudeau Among 313 Canadians Banned from “Going Anywhere Near Alberta”

March 18, 2022 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Justin Trudeau was at the top of a list of 313 Canadians banned from going “within a hundred kilometers” of Alberta. “We don’t want him wearing a Flames jersey either,” said Calgary man […]

Unger Games

National League Adopts ‘Designated Menno’ Rule

March 16, 2022 Andrew

PHILADELPHIA, PA Decades after its junior curcuit counterpart made the change, the National League has finally agreed to adopt the Designated Menno rule. “It’s about damn time,” said diehard Phillies fan Mary Denlinger. “I know […]

Unger Suspicion

Elon Musk Tops Forbes List of “America’s Favourite Oligarchs”

March 12, 2022 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Forbes Magazine has just released a list of the richest oligarchs in America. On the top of the list were beloved American oligarchs Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerburg, and Bill Gates. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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