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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

‘Destitute’ Galen Weston to Subsist Entirely on ‘No Name Brand’ Products

April 8, 2023 Andrew

BRAMPTON, ON Left with just barely enough income to survive in today’s economy, Loblaws CEO Galen Weston has been forced to try his own No Name Brand products for the very first time. “Yikes. I […]

Unger Suspicion

Amish Man Can’t Figure Out Why He Got This ‘Carbon Tax Relief’ Cheque

April 3, 2023 Andrew

VITA, MB Mr. Schwartzenbeilersnider of over near Vita was completely baffled this week when he stopped at the post office in town and found something called a ‘Carbon Tax Relief Fund’ cheque from the Manitoba […]

Unger Suspicion

Mickey Mouse Learns Plautdietsch to Accommodate All the Mennonites at Disney World Right Now

March 28, 2023 Andrew

ORLANDO, FL With a bevy of cheap flights sending Mennonites to Florida this week, residents of Disney World have been brushing up on their Plautdietsch, not to mention the theme park’s record-setting order of roll […]

Unger Suspicion

City of Winnipeg Seeks to Modernize Rapid Transit System

March 26, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After years of lagging behind other comparable cities, Winnipeg has finally decided it’s time to modernize its rapid transit system by hiring rusty pickup trucks to take passengers up and down Henderson Highway. […]

Unger Suspicion

Spring is Here! Manitobans Excited for Only 8 More Weeks of Winter

March 22, 2023 Andrew

KILLARNEY, MB It’s the beginning of spring and, you know what that means – only 8 more weeks of winter here in Manitoba. “I always love this time of year,” said Garth Reimer of Killarney. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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