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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Hidden Farmer Sausage Discovered in Obama’s Portrait

February 15, 2018 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC “It’s clearly a secret message for the Russian Mennonite community,” said Elder Janzen of Omaha. “He had formavorscht on the brain.” Janzen is referring to the recent portrait of former President Barack Obama, […]

Unger Suspicion

Lonely White Male Spends Romantic Evening Alone Watching Ben Shapiro Videos

February 14, 2018 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Jeffrey Froese, 31, manager at a local Office Depot, plans to spend an intimate evening alone tonight watching videos by controversial right-wing political pundit Ben Shapiro. This is basically what Froese does every […]

Unger Games

Canadian Olympians Forced to Pay Back Half Their Medals in Taxes

February 13, 2018 Andrew

PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA Always on the lookout for new sources of revenue, the Canadian government has announced it will be taxing Olympic medals at the top income tax bracket of 48.7 percent. The medals will […]

Unger Suspicion

An Exclusive Interview with the Notorious ‘Alberta Clipper’

February 12, 2018 Andrew

TABER, AB After years of secrecy, the infamous ‘Alberta Clipper’ has agreed to this exclusive interview with the Daily Bonnet. We met Mr. Friesen in his home in Taber to ask him about why he […]

Unger Suspicion

Elon Musk Launches Buggy Full of Mennonite Elders Into Space

February 10, 2018 Andrew

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL Pioneering SpaceX and Tesla founder Elon Musk launched a Mennonite buggy, complete with five grumpy members of the local church elder board, into outer space on Friday. The historic launch is the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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