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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Shun Patrik Laine For Shaving Off His Beard

May 28, 2018 Andrew

TAMPERE, FINLAND After a playoff run that ended in disaster against the Vegas Knights, Winnipeg Jets superstar Patrik Laine has left the Mennonite faith and decided to shave off his beard and toss his suspenders […]

Unger Suspicion

Heintje to Perform at Faspa this Sunday

May 24, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB After repeated requests from his Mennonite fans in southern Manitoba, Dutch recording star Heintje is set to perform at faspa this Sunday. Mrs. Bueckert, chairperson of the Altona Heintje Appreciation Society, was especially […]

Unger Suspicion

ABC Launches New Sitcom ‘Morden Family’

May 22, 2018 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Television executives at ABC just announced a new cutting edge sitcom entitled ‘Morden Family,’ which explores the lives of several Mennonite families in Morden, Manitoba learning their place in an ever changing world. […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Hockey Fan Emerges from House for the First Time in Many Months

May 21, 2018 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB Local hockey fan Peter Klassen, 48, left his house for very first time in months, after the Winnipeg Jets lost to the Vegas Golden Nights on Sunday afternoon. “Ach, the light, the bright […]

Unger Suspicion

Bettman Throws Massive Street Party to Celebrate Last Canadian Team Being Eliminated from Playoffs

May 20, 2018 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY There was champagne flowing at NHL headquarters in New York City today, as long time NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman spared no expense in celebrating the fact that, once again, only American teams […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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