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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Caught Listening to Charlie Brown Christmas Album

December 9, 2022 Andrew

BLUMENHOF, MB A stash of secular records were discovered under Garth Wiebe’s mattress this week, after a tip by prying neighbours led to a raid of the premises by church elders. “As you know, we […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Couple Plasters their Refrigerator with Christmas Cards from Politicians

December 7, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local couple Pete and Anne Dueck have plastered their refrigerator with their most precious holiday items – Christmas cards from area politicians. “Ahhh, Ted, you shouldn’t have,” said Pete, scrambling to find a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Canadian Mennonites Upset as their Team, the Germans, are Eliminated from the World Cup

December 4, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Thousands of Mennonite soccer fans across Canada were really upset this week after the team they were really rooting for, the Germans, were eliminated from the World Cup yet again. “Ugh, typical Germany, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Desperate to Find Some Relation to Davy Klaassen

November 23, 2022 Andrew

LOMA PLATA, PARAGUAY Moments after Dutch midfielder Davy Klaasen scored his first World Cup goal, millions of Mennonites scoured their family history books to see if maybe, just maybe, they were somehow related. “Oba, well, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Now in Charge of British Columbia

November 18, 2022 Andrew

VICTORIA, BC After having his name selected in the traditional Mennonite manner – by drawing lots – a man from Kitchener, Ontario by the name of David Eby is now Premier of British Columbia. “Well, […]

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