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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Winkler to Implement New ‘ArriveVankla’ App

September 22, 2022 Andrew

VANKLA, MB Just as the federal government is set to scrap the glitchy ArriveCan app, the city of Winkler has decided to add a new “ArriveVankla” app for all visitors from Jantsied or Morden yet […]

The Daily Bonnet

Yes, ‘Skinny Dyck’ of Lethbridge is Real and, No, the Daily Bonnet Didn’t Just Make Him Up

September 20, 2022 Andrew

LETHBRIDGE, AB Unlike a number of made-up musicians in Daily Bonnet history such as the Goertzen Family singers or, say, the great Mennonite hip-hop artist Corny Reimer, up-and-coming alt-country artist Skinny Dyck of Lethbridge is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Scramble to Book the Common Room at Oma’s Manor for Upcoming Christmas Gatherings

September 19, 2022 Andrew

BLACK CREEK, BC Mennonites across the continent were in a mad dash this week to book the common room at oma’s manor for upcoming Christmas gatherings. “If you don’t book it by mid-September you’re out […]

The Daily Bonnet

Baz Luhrmann Directs New Corny Rempel Biopic

September 12, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Renowned Hollywood director Baz Luhrmann has just released a brand new $300 million biopic of southern Manitoba’s greatest Elvis tribute artist and radio personality Corny Rempel. “It tells his story from his modest […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Makes Millions Selling Chicken Coops to Calgary Yuppies

September 11, 2022 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Abe Koop of Linden, Alberta has capitalized on a strange new trend among Calgary yuppies: backyard chicken coops. Since the trend of raising your owns chickens caught on in Calgary, like, three weeks […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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