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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Plautdietsch Classified as an ‘Endangered Species’ in Steinbach

November 9, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB As Steinbach has grown, it has become more diverse, and some might even say, “metropolitan.” Long gone are the days when elderly Mennonite men would greet young women at the Clearspring Mall with, “Hia es […]

The Daily Bonnet

Completely Exhausted With Politics, Mennonites Return to Their Farms

November 9, 2016 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN After a totally exhausting Presidential election campaign, millions of Mennonites across America are returning to their farms, claiming they are “done with politics, like, forever.” “I’m plum tuckered out,” said Henry Willems, shovelling cow […]

The Daily Bonnet

Early Results Show Mennonite Pastor in Commanding Lead

November 8, 2016 Andrew

DAYTON, VA After just seventeen votes counted, CNN reports that Reverend Johan Wisler has a commanding lead for Presidency of the United States. “This is a complete shocker,” said CNN’s Wolf Blitzer. “Based on these […]

The Daily Bonnet

Landmark, Manitoba to Run Out of Pletts By the Year 2020

November 7, 2016 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB Due to lower birth rates and immigration from non-Mennonite sources, the small town of Landmark, Manitoba, once known for its abundance of Pletts, is on pace to be completely Plett-free by the year […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites to Turn Back the Clock One Century Tonight

November 5, 2016 Andrew

VOLLWERK, MB Due to Daylight Savings Time, Mennonites throughout North America will be turning back the clock an entire century tonight at 2 am. “I’m glad to see that people want to go back in […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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