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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Lancaster Hospital Opens New Wing to Deal with Dutch Blitz Injuries

July 17, 2017 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA The Central Mennonite Hospital in Lancaster, Pennsylvania is planning to open an $80 million wing dedicated to treating Dutch Blitz injuries. “After thousands of injuries in the past few years, and even a few […]

The Daily Bonnet

Thousands of Mennonite Grandmas Expected at Today’s Pride Parade

July 15, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After the well publicized march last year, thousands of Grandmas from across southern Manitoba are expected to attend today’s second annual Pride event in Steinbach. “When I saw the pictures in the paper from […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Texting Abbreviations: From LOL to WTF

July 14, 2017 Andrew

Parents these days often have trouble figuring out what their teens are texting. Therefore, the Daily Bonnet has created this helpful guide to texting abbreviations so that Mennonite parents can stay in the loop. wtf […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Caught Shopping on a Sunday

July 13, 2017 Andrew

ST. VITAL, MB Area woman Jessica Epp of Altona decided she’d just rush into the city to pick up a few things at Costco after church this Sunday. Little did she know that the church […]

The Daily Bonnet

Family Reluctantly Sings Another Verse in German to Please Grandma

July 12, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Relatives at an Ens family gathering this past week reluctantly obliged their 90-year-old matriarch by singing a verse of ‘Holy God, We Praise Thy Name’ in German even though they had already sung […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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