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The Daily Bonnet

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The Daily Bonnet

Potato Discovered in Mennonite Man’s Vereniki

May 21, 2026 Andrew

BURNS LAKE, BC Thomas Redekop, 54, of Burns Lake, BC was in for the surprise of his life after he cut into a delicious perogy only to discover the entire thing was filled with a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Permanently Trapped in New Landmark Roundabout

May 19, 2026 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB Landmark woman Mrs. Plett (of course) was eager to try out the new roundabout just as construction is beginning and has already gotten herself trapped in a never ending loop. “This doesn’t bode […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman to Dust Entire Province of Manitoba

May 15, 2026 Andrew

CARMAN, MB Mrs. Loewen of Carman has been enlisted by Manitoba Premier Wab Kinew to dust the entire province this weekend. “That was quite the dust storm,” said Kinew. “But luckily we have women like […]

The Daily Bonnet

Nationwide Cottage Cheese Shortage Causes Mennonites to Compromise Cherished Values for First Time Ever

May 9, 2026 Andrew

ALTONA, MB After five centuries of never once compromising their cherished Anabaptist values, Mennonites across Canada are forced to confront the most pressing ethical dilemma in their history – what to do in the face […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Doesn’t Have Enough Space on Census Form to List All His Kids

May 7, 2026 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Area man Johan Dyck ran out of space on his census form this week after being asked to list all 31 children. “I got Mary, Isaac, Peter, Susie, Abe, David, Heinrich, Anne, Ruth, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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