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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Mistakes Huge Miriam Toews Crowd for Billy Graham Crusade

October 16, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mr. David Kehler of Kleefeld was in the big city on a Costco run this afternoon when he stumbled upon a massive crowd that had gathered at Grant Park Mall. “Look at all […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Finally Allowed to Stay Up Late Enough to Watch M*A*S*H*

September 27, 2025 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Area man Sam Ens, 43, has just been informed by his parents that he has finally reached the age where he can stay up late and watch M*A*S*H* with them. “It’s our birthday […]

The Daily Bonnet

Entire City of Steinbach Baptized this Week

September 15, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The prayers of Omas and Opas across Steinbach were finally answered this week as all the remaining folks who had yet to be baptized were greeted with a deluge. “I was hoping to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Frost Warning Issued for Friesen and Froese

September 9, 2025 Andrew

FRIEDENSFELD, MB Froeses and Friesens of Fridensfeld are frantically flailing about to fortify their flowers and fruit this Friday following a forewarning about a first frost. “Frida and I nearly fe’schlucked when we found out […]

The Daily Bonnet

An Artificial Intelligence Guide to Pronouncing Common Mennonite Surnames

September 9, 2025 Andrew

Years ago, in the early days of the Daily Bonnet, I created a guide to pronouncing Mennonite surnames correctly, since so many Englishers seem to have trouble with it. https://www.ungerreview.com/proper-pronunciation-common-russian-mennonite-surnames/ Now, however, with the amazing […]

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