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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Guide to Mennonite Dress Codes

November 1, 2017 Andrew

Oba, my name is Reverend Abram Lepp of the Halbstadt colony over by near Muntau and Hierschau. You know the place. I think we’re prob’ly second cousins on the Loewen side. Anyway, I’ve been seein’ just vay […]

The Daily Bonnet

7 Mennonite Sisters Marry 7 Mennonite Brothers in Epic Septuple Wedding

October 30, 2017 Andrew

ROSETOWN, MB Brothers Jeff, Peter, Steve, Colin, John, Abe, and Patrick Brandt married sisters Rose, Mary Ann, Sally, Susan, Nettie, Aileen and Ruth Janzen in Rosetown’s largest ever wedding this past week. “There’s just something […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Switches Between English and Plautdietsch a Record 3000 Times in a Single Conversation

October 29, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local man Earl Peters reverted to Plautdietsch more than 3000 times during an hour-long conversation about beets with his friend Dan Friesen at the coffee shop this past week. The intermittent Plautdietsch usage […]

The Daily Bonnet

Thrift Store Confuses Shot Glasses for Candle Holders

October 28, 2017 Andrew

NEW HOLLAND, PA More than three dozen shot glasses were mislabeled as candleholders at the local MCC store this week. It was the largest mislabeling of booze containers since volunteers at the MB church confused […]

The Daily Bonnet

Rhoda Janzen’s Little Black Dress Fetches $5 Million on eBay

October 24, 2017 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Best-selling Mennonite writer and scholar Rhoda Janzen’s little black dress shattered online auction records this week, eventually selling for just over $5 million. Not only did the auction break records for Mennonite-worn dresses, […]

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