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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman’s Thumbs Got a Great Workout at the Gym Today

July 23, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local woman Erin Friesen, 34, gave her thumbs quite the workout at the gym today. Friesen estimates she sent more than a hundred texts today and burned between 3 and 4 calories. “Dang […]

The Daily Bonnet

Evolutionist Proves Mennonites are Descended from Abes

July 21, 2018 Andrew

DRUMHELLER, AB Scientists at the Friesen Academy of Science, Platz, and Aniseed (FASPA) have uncovered conclusive evidence that proves the evolution of Mennonites from our ancestors the Abes. “Sometime millions of years ago in the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Water Tower to Feature Glass Bottom Viewing Area

July 18, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Steinbach’s world famous water tower is getting a bit of an upgrade this fall with the addition of a 20 square foot glass bottom viewing area. The attraction, which is budgeted at just […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Spends Entire Summer Sitting in Lawn Chair on Front Lawn Wearing Nothing but Gitch

July 14, 2018 Andrew

SCHANZENBERGENFELD, MB Peter Dueck, 72, of Schanzenbergenfeld has spent all summer, wearing nothing but a pair of white briefs, and sitting in his front lawn staring at his neighbours. In that time, Dueck has consumed […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Realtor Invites Nosy Mennonites to Wander Around the Friesen’s House

July 11, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Dozens of Mennonite couples showed up at the Friesen home this past Sunday between 2:00 and 4:00 pm even though they had absolutely no intention of buying the place. “We were just there […]

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