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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Still Waiting in Line at Penner Foods Parcel Pick-up

August 2, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Almost thirty years after the store shut down, the Schellenberg family of Steinbach is still waiting on parcel #87 at the parcel pickup line at Penner Foods. “Martha’s birthed three children in this […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Mows Lawn Only Slightly More Frequently than He Shaves

August 1, 2018 Andrew

NORTH NEWTON, KS After years of pestering from his wife Frida, local man Ben Wiebe of North Newton finally broke down and shaved his face this afternoon. The lawn, however, was left at a record […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Bigfoot’ Revealed to be a ‘Mr. Friesen’ from Altona

July 30, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The mystery of Bigfoot has finally been solved! After careful analysis of the footage, scientists at Pembina Valley University, have concluded that the big hairy beast seen traipsing through the back-40 last year […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Dog Breeder Creates New Breed, the ‘Low German Shepherd’

July 26, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Expert dog breeder, Mr. Peter Fehr, 59, of Winkler, has worked for more than three decades to create a new dog breed: the Low German Shepherd. Thanks to a lot of blood, sweat […]

The Daily Bonnet

Fraser Valley Mennonites Put the ‘Before Christ’ in BC

July 24, 2018 Andrew

YARROW, BC A new study out of the University of the Fraser Valley indicates that early Mennonite settlers may have been under the mistaken impression that ‘BC’ stood for ‘Before Christ’ when they decided to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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