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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Manitoba Family Still Smelling Strongly of Chlorine a Week After Grand Forks Visit

November 16, 2019 Andrew

GRAND FORKS, ND The Hieberts of Blumenort had a great time at the Come Hither Motor Hotel in Grand Forks last weekend, but are having trouble washing the smell of chlorine from their bodies nearly […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Mock us, please!” Pennsylvania Mennonites Demand Equal Treatment by the Daily Bonnet

November 15, 2019 Andrew

INTERCOURSE, PA Thousands of Pennsylvania Mennonites petitioned the Daily Bonnet this week to be “more inclusive” of their particular idiosyncrasies that they claim are just ripe for mockery. “That website is far too Canadian!” yelled […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Turns 40, or 65 in ‘Mennonite Years’

November 9, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local man Andy Unrau turned 40 this weekend, though he was not nearly as eager to celebrate the occasion as one might expect. “If you do the math, that’s 65 in Mennonite years,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

NASA Commemorates Historic “First Mennonite on the Moon”

November 8, 2019 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS NASA paused for moment of silence this morning in recognition of the 50 year anniversary of the historic landing of Mennonites on the moon. Mennonites made the voyage in 1969 and have been […]

The Daily Bonnet

Anthropologists Shocked! Russian Mennonites aren’t really Russian and Pennsylvania Dutch aren’t really Dutch

November 7, 2019 Andrew

WELLINGTON, NEW ZEALAND Anthropological researchers from the University of New Zealand have recently made a shocking discovery about two prominent groups of Mennonites, the so-called Russians and the Pennsylvania Dutch. “Neither one of them are […]

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