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The Daily Bonnet

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Denies Rumour that She and Corny are “More than Just Cousins”

January 20, 2020 Andrew

OSTERWICK, MB After Mary Toews and her cousin Corny were seen spending an awful lot of time together at the church faspa on Sunday, rumours are starting to spread that they are “more than just […]

The Daily Bonnet

Vancouver Blizzard Blamed on Visiting Relatives from Manitoba

January 16, 2020 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC By west coast standards, a couple centimetres of snow is a blizzard and can shut down a city. So when such significant weather patterns blanket the region, locals are quick to find someone […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Still Has ‘Menno’s Reins’ Theme Song Stuck in His Head

January 14, 2020 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB After numerous screenings of the classic ‘Menno’s Reins’ in youth group back in the 70s, local man Peter Toews still has the theme song stuck in his head more than forty years […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple to Replace Harry and Meghan at Buckingham Palace

January 13, 2020 Andrew

LONDON, UK After Harry and Meghan decided to call it quits on the royal family, a generous family of Mennonites from Holmes County have agreed to take their place at Buckingham Palace. “As Anabaptists, we’re […]

The Daily Bonnet

Liberal Mennonite ‘Too Woke for Meddachschlop’

January 11, 2020 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Manitoba’s self-proclaimed “wokest” Mennonite Dylan Heinrichs-Klassen-Guenther claims he has now risen above forms of oppression such as a nice Sunday afternoon meddachschlop. “Meddachschlop is highly problematic,” said Heinrichs-Klassen-Guenther. “I can’t think of […]

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