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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Wakes Up Just In Time for Next Year’s Sunrise Service

April 21, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area man Kyle Berg, 42, decided he’d set his alarm and get up a year early so he doesn’t miss next year’s sunrise service. “Sleeping in is always a risk for me,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Area Mall Fights Loitering by Blasting Mennonite Hymns

April 17, 2025 Andrew

GRETNA, MB Southern Manitoba’s most popular shopping centre in Gretna, Manitoba has gone to extreme lengths to get rid of the teens who’ve been loitering in the parking lot this spring. To address this problem, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Avoids Sinning By Going to a Film Instead of a Movie

April 15, 2025 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Area woman Carolyn Enns, 71, was sick and tired of all the wrath and judgement she received for attending a movie on occasion that she decided it was time she attended a film […]

The Daily Bonnet

Jets Clinch First Place in General Conference

April 14, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB For the first time in team history, the Winnipeg Jets have clinched first place in the General Conference. “It’s a very exciting time to be alive,” said Dave of Winnipeg MC. “I never […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Wakes Up Bright and Early to Get in a Full Day of Quality Puttering

April 10, 2025 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Retired cheesemaker Earl Froese, 71, got up bright and early this morning, not wanting to waste a single moment. “I’ve got a full day ahead of me,” said Froese. “There’s a lot […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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