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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Frugal Manitobans Celebrate as Christmas Gatherings Banned this Year

November 11, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB It looks like frugal southern Manitobans will no longer have to worry about buying Barbies, Captain Underpants books and cheap blended whiskey for the relatives this year, as the maskless “freedom-fighters” among us have […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach “Most Generous Community in Canada” Once Again After Surge in Covid Fines

November 9, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Steinbachers are known across Canada for their generosity, often topping the list of largest charitable donations per capita. This spirit of generosity appears to continue, this week, as thousands of Steinbachers have each […]

The Daily Bonnet

Whole Foods Bans MCC Peace Buttons

November 8, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON In order to be consistent with their recent poppy ban, Whole Foods Canada has also banned anyone from coming into the store wearing one of those MCC Peace Buttons. “Please wear a mask, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandmas Hired to Lead National Contact Tracing Program

November 5, 2020 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Oma Rempel of Saskatoon has just signed on to head the Canadian national contract tracing program. “We knew we had to go to the experts,” said Prime Minister Trudeau. “Plus no one could […]

The Daily Bonnet

Naejenpundjet Mennonitenbabie word derjch een Wunda dree Moonat verre Tiet jebuare.

November 4, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Bloos sass Moonat nohdem Peeeta enn Elvira Dertjze sich enne Altona MCMB Tjoatj befriet haude, erlaewd daut Poah derjch een Wunda dee Jeburt von aehrem easchtjebuarnen Saehn Timothy. “Wie send bloos soo frooh, […]

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