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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Wraps the Presents this Year

December 23, 2020 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Overwhelmed with all the gifts that needed wrapping this yer, Mrs. Janzen decided to recruit her husband Earl to pitch in. The decision, however, is one of the greatest regrets of her life. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Spends All Day Tracking Her Amazon Package

December 21, 2020 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Mrs. Loewen of Saskatoon has been eagerly anticipating her package from Amazon this Christmas and has been spending every waking moment checking for shipping updates. “Dietschlaund! It’s still in Flin Flon, Manitoba for […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Twas the Night Before Mennonite Christmas

December 20, 2020 Andrew

‘Twas the night before Mennonite Christmas, when all through the house Not a Penner was stirring, not even Uncle Klaus; The tutjes were all eaten, the halva was all gone, I was lying next to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Jantsied Extends Border Closure with Ditsied

December 17, 2020 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB After receiving pressure from the authoritarian regime over in Jantsied, government officials in neutral Rosenort have extended the border closure between the two warring nations. “The iron curtain between between Jantsied and Ditsied […]

The Daily Bonnet

2020 Knipsbrat League Standings

December 16, 2020 Andrew

The 2020 Co-Ed Knipsbrat League is in full swing and with just a few regular seasons matches remaining, the top pairs are vying for the post-season. Let’s have a look at the standings as we […]

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