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Unger the Influence

Unger the Influence

Bargain Hungry Mennonites Eager to Get Their Hands on Free Speech

September 21, 2025 Andrew

INMAN, KS Mennonites across Kansas were stirred into a frenzy this week after they heard that speeches were now free. “Even the thrift store doesn’t have free speech like this,” said Mr. Janzen. “I’ve never […]

Unger the Influence

Trump Hires Mennonites to Shun Jimmy Kimmel

September 19, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC A team of Mennonites has been flown into Washington this week with the express purpose of shunning Jimmy Kimmel. “We’ve got them working around the clock. Frowny faces. Shaking their heads in disgust. […]

Unger the Influence

A Complete List of Jokes that Won’t Get You Cancelled These Days

September 18, 2025 Andrew

In the wake of Jimmy Kimmel’s recent cancellation, we’ve consulted a team of comedians and humourists from across the United States to make a list of completely safe jokes that won’t get you cancelled. In […]

Unger the Influence

Carney Enlists the Amish to Address Canada’s Housing Crisis

September 14, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Fresh from high level cabinet meetings, Prime Minister Mark Carney has come up with a brand new plan to address the nation’s housing crisis–hire the Amish. “I’m sure they can raise a few […]

Unger the Influence

Doug Ford Dumps Out Entire Crown Royal Bag Full of Scrabble Tiles

September 3, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Furious at Crown Royal for shutting down a bottling plant in southern Ontario, Premier Doug Ford held a press conference this afternoon where he emptied out an entire Crown Royal bag full of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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