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Unger the Influence

Unger the Influence

Mark Carney Drops Out of All-Important Plautdietsch Leadership Debate

April 12, 2025 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Liberal leader Mark Carney has significantly hurt his chances in La Crete, Winkler, Aylmer this week after dropping out of the Plautdietsch leadership debate. “Meanwhile, I’ve been brushing up on my Plautdietch […]

Unger the Influence

Politicians Eager to Dupe Mennonites into Thinking they Support Mennonite Values

April 7, 2025 Andrew

WAUTDESCHISSJAT, SK Politicians across Canada are eagerly courting the Mennonite vote by wording things in such a way that sounds kind of Mennonite when they say it. “I’m not actually changing my policies at all, […]

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Mennonite Farmer Hires Pierre Poilievre to Count His Chickens Before they’re Hatched

April 2, 2025 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Area poultry producer Garth Broesky has reached out to Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre to come on down to Grunthal and help him count all his chickens before they’re hatched. “He was getting so […]

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Progressives Find Themselves in Awkward Position of Having to Say Nice Things About a Banker

March 31, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON It came out of nowhere, but left-leaning liberals and progressives across Canada are suddenly huge fans of bankers. Banker-mania is sweeping the nation, some even going so far as sporting Mark Carney-inspired haircuts. […]

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Doug Ford Accidentally Shuts Off Power to His Own Province

March 30, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Weeks after threatening to shut off the power to several US states, it appears that Ontario Premier Doug Ford has accidentally shut off the power to his own province. “Yeah, ooops, I don’t […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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