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Unger the Influence

Unger the Influence

Doug Ford Dumps Out Entire Crown Royal Bag Full of Scrabble Tiles

September 3, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Furious at Crown Royal for shutting down a bottling plant in southern Ontario, Premier Doug Ford held a press conference this afternoon where he emptied out an entire Crown Royal bag full of […]

Unger the Influence

Pierre Poilievre Scambling to Learn Plautdietsch to Serve His New Riding

August 22, 2025 Andrew

STETTLER, AB Conservative leader and new Battle River-Crowfoot MP Pierre Poilievre has been taking Plautdietsch lessons in the small Mennonite town of Stettler, Alberta this week. This after several constituents greeted him with, “kjenn jie […]

Unger the Influence

Pierre Poilievre Spotted Parachuting into Tofield, Alberta

August 19, 2025 Andrew

TOFIELD, AB Conservative leader Pierre Poilievere has parachuted into the small Mennonite town of Tofield, Alberta this afternoon, where he landed just outside Tilly’s Family Dining. “We love a good aerial performance around here,” said […]

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USA Sells Alaska Back to Russia for $7.2 Million

August 15, 2025 Andrew

ANCHORAGE, AK After three hours of heated meetings, Trump has agreed to sell Alaska back to Russia for just over 7 million dollars. “No one makes bigger real estate deals than me,” said Trump. “Not […]

Unger the Influence

Trump Deploys National Guard to Goessel, Kansas

August 12, 2025 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS After a crime wave in recent months, President Trump has deployed the National Guard to the small Mennonite farming town of Goessel, Kansas. “We’ve gotta get those Hiebert boys under control,” said President […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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