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Unger the Influence

Unger the Influence

Pentagon Introduces New “Firing Squad” Video Game for Kids

October 10, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Moments after announcing they’d be bringing back public executions, US Secretary of War Pete Hegseth introduced a snazzy new video game to share the experience with kids. “The kids just love video games,” […]

Unger the Influence

British Columbians Can’t Decide Which Mennonite to Vote For

October 6, 2026 Andrew

VICTORIA, BC After the BC conservatives elected Lorne Doerkson as leader recently, voters in the province will now have the chance to pick a Russian Mennonite or a Swiss one. “Of course, who knows if […]

Unger & Thirst

Trump Promises Mennonites $5000 Worth of Bubbat if They Vote Republican

October 3, 2026 Andrew

NEWTON, KS President Donald Trump is trying to win over the Low German Mennonite vote by promising the most lucrative bribe he could think of – bubbat. “Quite frankly, I don’t even know what it […]

Unger the Influence

Wab Kinew Returns to Steinbach to Mow the Boulevards

September 14, 2026 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB In what just might be the most heated conflict the City of Steinbach has ever had with the Province of Manitoba, a grassy boulevard on Brandt Street remained totally unmowed for several weeks […]

Unger the Influence

Premier Wab Kinew Finally Visits Steinbach Just as Every Local Politician is Mysteriously Out of Town

September 12, 2026 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB There was not a single local politician available to greet Premier Wab Kinew in Steinbach this afternoon. “I guess they all went to the lake,” said Kinew as he arrived at KR Barkman […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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