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Unger the Influence

Unger the Influence

White House Reinstates Day to Honour Guy Who Directed ‘Home Alone’

October 13, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC The White House announced this week that they were sick and tired of people changing the names of things all the time and so would be returning the day to honour the guy […]

Unger the Influence

Albertans to Vote on Whether to Vote on Whether to Vote on Whether to Vote on Separation

October 11, 2026 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB A referendum later this month will have Albertans voting on whether they should vote on if they should vote on if they should vote on separation. “We tried to make things as clear […]

Unger the Influence

Pentagon Introduces New “Firing Squad” Video Game for Kids

October 10, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Moments after announcing they’d be bringing back public executions, US Secretary of War Pete Hegseth introduced a snazzy new video game to share the experience with kids. “The kids just love video games,” […]

Unger the Influence

British Columbians Can’t Decide Which Mennonite to Vote For

October 6, 2026 Andrew

VICTORIA, BC After the BC conservatives elected Lorne Doerkson as leader recently, voters in the province will now have the chance to pick a Russian Mennonite or a Swiss one. “Of course, who knows if […]

Unger & Thirst

Trump Promises Mennonites $5000 Worth of Bubbat if They Vote Republican

October 3, 2026 Andrew

NEWTON, KS President Donald Trump is trying to win over the Low German Mennonite vote by promising the most lucrative bribe he could think of – bubbat. “Quite frankly, I don’t even know what it […]

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