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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

“I Could Make it Myself Better and Cheaper”: Mennonite Woman Refuses to Buy Anything at Church Bake Sale

January 18, 2019 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB While examining the offerings at the Grunthal Church fundraising bake sale this week, Mrs. Kehler refused to buy a single item, claiming that everything she saw she “could easily make at home much […]

Unger & Thirst

Grandma Stocks Up On Discount Christmas Oranges For Next Year

January 1, 2019 Andrew

CHORTITZ, SK Mrs. Harms, 71, of Chortitz is already stocking up on Mandarin oranges, pistachio pudding mix, salted peanuts and halva for next year’s Christmas celebration. “It’s absolute madness at the grocery store today,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Tests Positive for Coke

December 30, 2018 Andrew

BLUMENORT, AB After a routine traffic stop in the small village of Blumenort, Alberta, local man Mr. Wiens has been found to have Coke in his system. Wiens faces several charges including driving under the […]

Unger & Thirst

Jaws of Life Required to Extract Red Candy from Oma’s Candy Bowl

December 28, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Emergency crews were overworked this holiday season extracting red raspberry candies that had become clumped together in Oma Penner’s candy bowl. “Try as they might, the kids just couldn’t get a candy out […]

Unger & Thirst

No Tüte for Naughty Uncle Corny This Year

December 26, 2018 Andrew

BLUMENFELD, SK Grandma Peters has left Uncle Corny off the tüte list this year after it was discovered he had slept in and missed church three times over the past year. According to sources close to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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