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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Children Not So Happy After Dad Drives Off with Happy Meals on the Roof of His Car

April 14, 2019 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Mr. Earl Penner had some explaining to do after he inadvertently drove off with the kid’s Happy Meals on the roof of his car. “I came home and I was, like, ‘Well, we’ve […]

Unger & Thirst

Taunte Helen’s Coleslaw Declared ‘National Historic Site’

April 4, 2019 Andrew

BLUMENHOFF, MB A coleslaw that Taunte Helen brought over from the old country in the 1920s and continues to serve at potlucks and family gatherings has been declared a ‘National Historic Site’ by the government […]

Unger & Thirst

Stash of Roll Kuchen Discovered Beneath Trudeau’s Desk

March 21, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Prime Minister Justin Trudeau had to apologize to the Canadian people once again this past week after a stash of delicious roll kuchen was discovered hidden beneath his desk in the House of […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Dump Gallons of Yerba Tea into Chicago River

March 17, 2019 Andrew

CHICAGO, IL A river in downtown Chicago turned bright green this morning after thousands of Mennonites dumped all their leftover yerba mate into the water. “I can’t figure it out. We woke up and the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Buys a Round of Tap Water for the Whole Bar

March 11, 2019 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Allan Hostetler, 29, of Lancaster was feeling particularly generous at the bar last night and decided he’d order a round of tap water for the entire bar. “There were about thirty or forty […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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