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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

“Buying Crackers is For Suckers!” Claims Mennonite Woman

November 19, 2019 Andrew

CARMAN,MB Local woman Mrs. Schellenberg, 68, of Carman has amassed a stockpile of more than 10,000 packages of Premium Plus crackers that she’s swiped from local restaurants over the past twenty years. “Buying crackers is […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Forgets to Put Star Anise in Her Chicken Soup

October 30, 2019 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mrs. Toews was so thoroughly embarrassed with her failure to add star anise to her chicken soup at the soup and pie fundraiser this past week that she has vowed never to make […]

Unger & Thirst

Olive Garden Runs Out of Gift Cards During Pastor Appreciation Month

October 15, 2019 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Olive Garden locations across the continent have been running short on gift cards after every single pastor received $20 in Olive Garden money for Pastor Appreciation Month. “At first we weren’t sure […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Invites Over Four People but Cooks for Twenty

October 10, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mrs. Schellenberg of Winkler decided to invite the Barkmans and Goosens for dinner tonight and since there was going to be a total of six people, she decided to cook a meal for […]

Unger & Thirst

Green Party Photoshops Yerba Mate into Elizabeth May’s Hand

October 7, 2019 Andrew

SIDNEY, BC The Green Party admitted in a press conference this week to having altered a photo of leader Elizabeth May to make it look like she was consuming yerba mate from a gourd. The […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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