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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Excommunicated After Washing Grandma’s Cast-Iron Skillet

September 8, 2020 Andrew

PLUM COULEE, MB Local man Albert Janz, 31, has been stripped off his church membership this week after committed the most heinous sin possible – washing a Mennonite Grandma’s cast-iron skillet. “I was just helping […]

Unger & Thirst

“Immodest” Mennonite Woman Leaves Her Zwieback Out for All to See

August 30, 2020 Andrew

OSTERWICK, MB Residents of Osterwick were in shock this afternoon after a fresh and delectable zwieback baked by Mrs. Loewen was left out on the table in the church basement all afternoon. “It’s simply not […]

Unger & Thirst

Chihuahua Faspa Cancelled After Oma Runs Out of Queso Menonita

August 29, 2020 Andrew

MANITOBA COLONY, CHIHUAHUA, MEXICO The Falks of Manitoba Colony had to make a last minute cancellation of fapsa this week after Oma Falk completely forgot to buy more queso Menonita. “As much as we love […]

Unger & Thirst

Preservative Party of Canada to Select New Leader

August 21, 2020 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON After the resignation of a jar of Oma Friesen’s Dills a few months ago, the Preservative Party of Canada is currently voting-by-mail on a new leader. In the running are a bowl of […]

Unger & Thirst

Trudeau Hires Mennonites to Administer New $900 Million Roll Kuchen Grant Program

August 19, 2020 Andrew

PLUM COULEE, MB The Trudeau government has just announced a plan to have a few Mennonites from Plum Coulee administer a new $900 million grant program that will provide roll kuchen and syrup to eligible […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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