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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Shuttered Winnipeg 7/11s to be Turned into Tim Hortons

October 22, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Winnipegers were relieved to discover that all the recently closed 7/11 stores are going to reopen as Tim Hortons. “If I can’t get a bean burrito and a Slurpee,” said area man Art […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Couple Drives All the Way to Grand Forks for Chick-fil-A … On a Sunday

October 20, 2024 Andrew

GRAND FORKS, ND The Broesky family of Mitchell, Manitoba loaded up the minivan this morning for what they hoped would be a lovely afternoon outing in Grand Forks. Unfortunately for the Broeskys, they had to […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite-Grown Pumpkins Must Be Used For Pie Not Jack O’Lanterns

October 12, 2024 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Local pumpkin farmer Ernie Wiebe, 53, is requiring customers to sign a waiver promising only to use his pumpkins to make pie. “I don’t want to see my pumpkins turned into Jack O’Lanterns,” […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Cuisine to be Featured on New Manitoba Health Card

October 7, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB I guess this is what happens when you let the people vote. Farmer sausage, vereniki, and schmaunt fat will be featured on the new Manitoba health cards set to be released this fall. […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Family Consumes One Last Watermelon Before Switching to Pumpkin for the Next 8 Months

September 28, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The Brandts of Winkler gathered at the Bethel Heritage Park this weekend to share the very last watermelon and Papsi of the season before they consume nothing but pumpkins for the next eight […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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