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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

$80 Million Carton of Eggs Smashes Record in Sotheby’s Auction

February 7, 2025 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY A totally normal carton of eggs sold for a record $80 million plus buyer’s premium in a Sotheby’s auction this week, smashing the previous record of $4.50. “I’ve never seen anything like […]

Unger & Thirst

Southeast Event Centre Introduces New Slogan: Fuelled by Formavorscht

January 11, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The new state-of-the-art Southeast Event Centre in downtown Steinbach just unveiled a new slogan that represents the passion and potential of the community – Fuelled by Formavorscht. “More farmer sausage is produced and […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Excited that Parliament is Perogied Until March

January 8, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Thousands of Mennonites across Canada were excited to hear that Parliament is going to be “perogied” until March. The new “perogied” status means that Members of Parliament will basically do nothing but eat […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Impressed with Such Large Portions of Such Poor Quality Food

January 3, 2025 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Area man Garry Kehler, 57, was very impressed with the huge portions of grisly disgusting “beef” he received at his favourite local diner Dave’s Feeding Trough. “Nobody else is doing portion sizes like […]

Unger & Thirst

Chicken Chef Coupons Finally Arrive After Month-long Strike

December 19, 2024 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Mrs. Duerksen has been waiting for more than month to get her beloved Chicken Chef coupons and they have finally arrived. “Every day I checked the mail. Day after day. Week after week. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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