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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Silly Americans Don’t Even Realize it’s Thanksgiving

October 12, 2025 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN In a shocking turn of events, more than 300 million Americans went completely without Thanksgiving dinner this weekend. “There wasn’t even any pumpkin pie,” said Mrs. Eby of Kitchener, Ontario, who has been […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Wins Noble Peas Prize

October 10, 2025 Andrew

OSLO, NORWAY Mr. Abe Klassen of Rosthern has just been awarded the top prize for the most delicious, most noble peas in the world. “Just look at those green plump peas, slathered in butter,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Ruins Perfectly Good Cinnamon Buns By Adding Raisins

October 4, 2025 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area woman Theresa Bueckert decided she’d change things up a little and add raisins to her bun dough this week. The results were, as expected, disastrous. “Oba, what was I thinking,” said Mrs. […]

Unger & Thirst

Niverville Residents Finally Free From Arduous Journey to Winnipeg McDonald’s

October 3, 2025 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB For more than a century, residents of the small Mennonite town of Niverville have been completely cut off from access to McDonald’s restaurants. “Oh, sure, some brave souls ventured out to Winnipeg once […]

Unger & Thirst

White House Warns Against Knackzoat During Pregnancy

September 25, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC President Trump issued a warning to pregnant woman this week – avoid knackzoat. “It can only be bad. Not good,” said Trump. “Very bad. Let me see. How do you pronounce this? It’s […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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