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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

White House Warns Against Knackzoat During Pregnancy

September 25, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC President Trump issued a warning to pregnant woman this week – avoid knackzoat. “It can only be bad. Not good,” said Trump. “Very bad. Let me see. How do you pronounce this? It’s […]

Unger & Thirst

Innovative New Packaging Only Openable with Teeth

September 17, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The resigned packaging for a popular brand of throat lozenges features new “easy to open packaging” that cannot be opened without your teeth. “We’ve specially designed this package to be shred open with […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Discovers Huge Selection of “Cooking Wine” at Local LC

September 16, 2025 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Area woman Lois Buhler, 51, was utterly amazed by the selection of top shelf Italian, French, and Spanish wine at her local LC this week. “Wow, the ladies around here cook with the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Couple Celebrate Anniversary By Splitting Meal at Chicken Chef

August 24, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local couple, Bill and Anne Kliewer, will be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary this week by sharing a 3 piece meal at the local Chicken Chef. “What’s 15.95 divided by two?” wondered Bill. […]

Unger & Thirst

Winkler Finally Embraces Sundae Shopping

August 20, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Things sure are changing in the growing city of Winkler. After heated debate this week, Winkler city council voted 4 to 3 in favour of legalizing sundae shopping. “This is something that has […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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