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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Schmaunt Fat Confused for Waffle Sauce

June 20, 2024 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB It all turned out to be a happy accident, as a bucket of schmaunt fat was confused for waffle sauce, much to the delight of the dozens of eager waffle eaters lined up […]

Unger & Thirst

‘Wurst’ Turns Out to Be the ‘Best’

June 17, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB They’ve been making the wurst in southern Manitoba for decades and one wurst maker has finally created the best. “You won’t find a better wurst in all of Winkler,” said local butcher Mr. […]

Unger & Thirst

Tim Hortons to Replace Timbits with Mennonite Zwieback

June 14, 2024 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Canadian donut giant Tim Hortons held a press conference on Henderson Highway this afternoon to announce a new item on the menu – Mennonite zwieback – well, just the tops anyway. “For […]

Unger & Thirst

Stanley Cup to be Filled with Rogers Golden Syrup this Year

June 13, 2024 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Even though they’re down 2 games to none, the Edmonton Oilers are confident they can be the ones to drink golden syrup from the Cup this year. “We’ve got all of La Crete, […]

Unger & Thirst

Chips Blamed for Kicker’s Accuracy Problems

June 7, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Canadian Football League announced big changes this afternoon after an abysmal performance by Blue Bombers kicker Sergio Castillo last night that was attributed to the presence of chips in the area. “From […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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