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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor’s Peace Sermon Sparks Riot

November 14, 2017 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Thirty people were hospitalized and there was an estimated $12 million in property damage after Reverend Hershberger preached a twenty minute sermon on the topic of peace this past Sunday. The sermon entitled, […]

Unger Conviction

Visitor to Mennonite Church Blinded By All the Blond Hair

November 3, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENHOF, MB Winnipeg resident Angela Ricci, 28, was rushed to the hospital this past Sunday after being temporarily blinded by the overabundance of blond hair at Blumenhof Mennonite Church. “That volume of blond hair can […]

Unger Conviction

Martin Luther Costumes Flying Off the Shelves this Halloween

October 31, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB 500 years after the Protestant Reformation, Martin Luther has become the hottest costume this Halloween surpassing sales of Wonder Woman, Batman, and the entire cast of Game of Thrones. “Kids just seem to […]

Unger Conviction

Four-Part Harmony Slashed to Three After Recent Budget Cuts

October 25, 2017 Andrew

BUHLER, KS In response to recent budgetary pressures, the elder board at West Buhler Mennonite Church has decided to eliminate the tenor part from all songs sung on Sundays. “Times are tough. We had to […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Dies After Serving on One Too Many Church Committees

October 22, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Local woman Mrs. Dorothy Shenk, 71, passed away this week after being asked to serve on yet another church committee. Before her untimely death by committee, Mrs. Shenk was happily serving on the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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