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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Form Committee to Change Lightbulb

January 29, 2025 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN The Third Mennonite Church of Goshen has had a burned-out lightbulb for more than three months, all due to the fact that members could not agree on how and when and who should […]

Unger Conviction

Felix Manz, Forgotten Second Rebaptizer, Declared “Buzz Aldrin” of the Anabaptists

January 22, 2025 Andrew

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND In the Mennonite world, absolutely everyone knows the name of George Blaurock, the first person to get rebaptized way back in 1525. We all sat around our television sets as he ventured into […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Celebrates 500 Years of Anabaptism By Getting Baptized 500 Times

January 20, 2025 Andrew

AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS Devout Mennonite and local tulip farmer Aldert Alderliesten decided he would commemorate 500 years of Anabaptism by setting the Guinness World Record for most successive baptisms. “The previous record was George Blaurock in […]

Unger Conviction

Chaos Erupts in Church Kitchen After Label Maker Goes On the Fritz

January 16, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB It was absolute mayhem in the Third Mennonite Church basement in Winkler this week after the trusty old Dymo label maker finally kicked the bucket. “Slowly but surely the labels had been falling […]

Unger Conviction

Faith Healer Offers Monthly Payment Plan

January 10, 2025 Andrew

CALGARY, AB A travelling miracle worker who claims to be able to heal back aches and migranes with just the power of his touch and a little faith, is offering “the fine folks of Calgary […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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