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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Children Terrified as Puppets Launch into Fiery ‘Hell and Damnation’ Sermon

August 17, 2018 Andrew

WICHITA, KS Children attending a Daily Vacation Bible School this summer at East Wichita Mennonite were left in complete shambles after a seemingly innocent puppet show took a turn for the dark side. Instead of […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Publisher Releases Extra-Wide Bibles to Keep the Boys and Girls Farther Apart

August 16, 2018 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN The Mennonite Bible Society of Indiana is excited to announce brand new extra-thick Bibles intended to provide extra distance between the boys and girls at summer camp, Sunday School, and other church functions. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Preacher Encourages Young People to ‘Hover Hand’

August 15, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Reverend Toews of Vankla is praising his young people for maintaining the Mennonite tradition of not making any physical contact with the opposite sex. Recently, the phenomenon of the ‘hover hand’ was brought […]

Unger Conviction

Blood Moon ‘A Sign From God’ that the Reign of the Fundamentalist Mennonite Elders Has Come to an End

July 27, 2018 Andrew

BERGTHAL, MB Conservative Mennonites across North America are interpreting tonight’s blood moon as a ‘clear sign from God’ that they no longer have to follow the ‘bullshit rules’ of the elders and can now live […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Launches String of F-Bombs in Last Sermon Before Retirement

July 25, 2018 Andrew

REIMERSFELD, SK Local Mennonite pastor, Reverend Schmidt, whose recent lotto-649 win has afforded him an early retirement, unleashed a string of f-bombs in his final sermon as head of East Reimersfeld Mennonite. “He sure let […]

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