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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Sells New ‘What Would Jansen Do’ Bracelets

April 21, 2019 Andrew

BEATRICE, NE In honour of long-term elder Mr. Jansen, the ECCM Mennonite Church of Beatrice has introduced a new product for sale in the church book store: a limited-edition ‘What Would Jansen Do?’ bracelet. “You […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple Come Late to Church and Have to Settle for Front Row

April 17, 2019 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK The Driedgers of Saskatoon had a pretty hectic morning this Sunday when the toaster didn’t work, the hot water tank blew up and they just had to squeeze in a quick meddachschlop right […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Excommunicated for Leaking ‘Game of Thrones’ Spoilers

April 13, 2019 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Somehow, Mrs. Driedger of Fresno got herself an early screener of the entire next season of HBO’s Game of Thrones and, in her unbridled excitement, proceeded to spoil absolutely everything on Twitter this […]

Unger Conviction

Introducing the All New Mennonite Enneagram!

April 9, 2019 Andrew

According to the ancient and mystical Mennonite Enneagram, written by Richard Reimer and Andreas Hiebert, there are nine distinct Mennonite personality types. Which one are you? TYPE ONE: The Need to Make the Perfect Quilt – […]

Unger Conviction

Church Accountability Group Keeps Men From Saying Stupid Stuff on the Internet

April 2, 2019 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC A new measure at the local Mennonite church seeks to address every man’s secret temptation: saying stupid stuff on the Internet. The program, which places men in accountability partnerships, encourages local men to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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