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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Pastors Make Statement With ‘Pay Us What You Owe Us’ T-Shirts

July 25, 2025 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Fed up with meagre salaries that barely pay the rent, Mennonite pastors across the nation have been sporting snazzy new T-shirts as a form of protest. “It’s bad enough he’s wearing such casual […]

Unger Conviction

Monsanto Buys Naming Rights to Mennonite Church

July 23, 2025 Andrew

FRIEDRICHSTAHL, KS With church funds at an all-time low, the Friedrichstahl Mennonite Church was desperate to fund their new church expansion. That’s why controversial agrochemical giant Monsanto decided, out of the generosity of their hearts, to step […]

Unger Conviction

Dozens of Mennonites Take Ill On Stale Communion Crackers

July 21, 2025 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Nearly thirty congregants at the local Mennonite church had to go home early this Sunday after partaking in communion with some pretty sketchy looking crackers. “We’ve been using the same box of crackers […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Hires Coldplay to Help Spot the Sinners

July 20, 2025 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Attendees at a local Mennonite church will be on their best behaviour from now on as the church has blown their entire budget to hire English rock band Coldplay to help identify […]

Unger Conviction

Area Man Supports “Biblical Marriage” By Obtaining 700 Wives and 300 Concubines

June 11, 2025 Andrew

AUGUSTA, GA Staunch “Biblical literalist” Dave Wright, 61, has finally accomplished his goal of living out the model of marriage as clearly established in the Bible. “I’ve been collecting wives over the past few years […]

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