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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Tupperware Bankruptcy Blamed on Margarine Containers

September 18, 2024 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Margarine containers are to blame for the bankruptcy, says Tupperware CEO IB Friesen. “It’s hard to compete with a freshly rinsed Becel,” said Friesen. “I’m not going to blame the Mennonites, but neither […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Man Opens ‘Noah’s Ark Encounter’ in His Basement

September 17, 2024 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area man Pete Brandt has made the best of his basement flooding situation, by tossing a couple plastic giraffes down there and charging admission. “Yeah, so now that the basement living room is […]

Unger Suspicion

Taylor Swift ‘Devastated’ After Man Far Outside Her Target Demographic Plans to Boycott Her

September 16, 2024 Andrew

WEST READING, PA A 73-year-old retired farmer named Abe Wiens is planning a one-man boycott of Taylor Swift this week after he discovered she doesn’t support his preferred political candidate. “I’m sure she’s devastated,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

World’s Luckiest Mennonite Woman Scores ‘George’ and ‘Joe Fresh’ Blouses at Local Thrift Store

September 15, 2024 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Mrs. Carol Ens could not believe her luck this week at the local thrift store after she discovered several “name brand” blouses on the rack. “Would you look at that! George brand! […]

Unger the Influence

“I meant hot dogs and catsup,” claims candidate

September 13, 2024 Andrew

PHILADELPHIA, PA A US Presidential candidate is now claiming he was talking about “hot dogs and catsup” and that the media is just twisting his words to make him look bad. “I like a good […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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