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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Surge in Peanut Allergies Has Mennonite Church Handing Out Empty Paper Bags this Christmas

December 24, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After just way too many incidents in recent years, Central Kildonan Mennonite Fellowship has decided the only solution is to hand out empty paper bags to all the kids this Christmas. “We wanted […]

The Daily Bonnet

Christmas Card Disappoints

December 23, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A Christmas card failed to deliver the expected level of seasonal joy and/or happiness this week after Larry Barkman, 31, of Winkler discovered it contained no money at all. “Ugh, what am I […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Becomes Pregnant After Exposing Her Ankles

December 22, 2024 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Every Mennonite woman’s worst nightmare came true last night after Sarah Koop, 20, of La Crete exposed her ankles and instantly become 8-months pregnant. “I knew this would happen. Oh, I just […]

Unger Suspicion

Quick Internet Search Proves Area Man Was Right All Along

December 21, 2024 Andrew

CALGARY, AB In a total coincidence, area man Calvin Berg just happened to find a really neat political commentator who “tells it like it is,” by which he means “says exactly what I want to […]

Unger & Thirst

Chicken Chef Coupons Finally Arrive After Month-long Strike

December 19, 2024 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Mrs. Duerksen has been waiting for more than month to get her beloved Chicken Chef coupons and they have finally arrived. “Every day I checked the mail. Day after day. Week after week. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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